Ep. 12 Alex Fitten

Today Kelli talks with fellow adoptive mom, Alex Fitten.

Alex is the host of The Adoptive Mom Podcast  which is a space to help women feel connected, empowered, and encouraged to stand in the fire for kids from hard places.

She and her husband Bryan get to raise three littles who are all less than a year and a half apart in age and have the privilege of walking alongside their teenager as he navigates his own adoption story.

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Alex [2:12]: I felt like there just wasn’t that much out there that people weren’t talking about this. You know there were a lot of like adoption parenting resources, but there was no one really; I’m sorry there weren’t a lot. You know to the extent that there were adoption resources they were all focused on how to parent with you and how to have that connection and all that stuff which is great. But there was nothing looking at the mom’s heart and saying things like how are you through this.

Alex [3:12]: I mean I’ve been able to form these connections like the one that I’m talking to now which is really fun, and I love to hear from other moms when they say oh my gosh me too because it makes me feel not alone. Which is the heat; that’s the biggest thing as I look around and I see these adoptive moms who feel like they’re just on an island and they’re like no one else is struggling with this I must be doing something wrong.

Alex [5:12]: I forget where it is but there’s actually a verse that talks about how shame when it’s in hiding. The devil owns it, but when you put it in the light it shrivels up and it’s powerless. I feel like so many of us hold on to that shame or hold onto those bad feelings and we feel like we can’t show those things and that’s where that’s he has his grip you know. But as soon as we shove it into the light as soon as we confess those things to each other as soon as we say hey this is what I’m struggling with it has no power anymore.

Alex [24:14]: I thought motherhood in general had knocked all the selfish out of me, but I realized that I still had so much gross just selfishness in my heart. And hearing that was like wow like he’s literally just asking me to obey when there’s no win.

Alex [36:46]: I wasn’t in counseling for a long time and when I finally went, I think it just felt like just a breath of fresh air. And so all of those feelings went out the window when I was like I am supposed to be here like this is what I need.

Alex reminds us all that we are not in this journey alone. We need to continue to support each other, seek out the professional help we need, and be gracious to ourselves in the process. 

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